Yippppppeeee!!!!! Tomorrow is Monday, one of my favourite days of the week. I get to dress up again instead of sloffing around in my Crocs and farm clothes. I see all the wonderful colleagues at work and hear their weekend stories. I know Monday is the start of the countdown to the next weekend. So for me, it is a beloved day.
Even if you are a boy, or a man, or a non-sewing female, or a lazy person just not interested in Barbie outfits made from socks - I suggest you read the below tutorial anyway. Why? Because you never know when you are going to need this skill. But you could also skip this and go to the sock-story of the week - "The Hungry Heel"
Just take a moment to think about below scenarios before skipping the tutorial:
- You might become a grumpy grandpa or grandma one day and need to babysit your little grandchildren - this is a skill you need.
- You might one day feel bored and all alone - this skill will make you feel happy and connected - even if it is just to a sock.
- You might just want to try something outside your comfort zone - and this is a skill that you can safely practice without harm to you or anyone else (just make sure you do it where no-one can see you as your ego might get hurt)
- You might want to make gifts for free - then this is an easy one.
Before we begin - just a note of caution. The images to follow contain a naked Barbie-type doll, so make sure you are over 2 years old before reading any further.
SOCK-SECOND LIFE PROJECT: 10 steps to making a Barbie dress.
Step 1: Find a buggered-up sock or a lonely sock without a partner. (This is not the same as killing deer for eating, so you do not have to ask the sock permission to help it out of its misery)
Step 2: Kill it quickly and humanely by snipping its throat.
Do not throw away anything - the bottom part is going to be used in my follow-up tutorial. But yes - it does not matter if their are holes or other damage in the bottom parts - we are a forgiving and kind people when we deal with socks. Just put the bottom parts somewhere where you can find them again.
Step 3: You now have in your hands the potential of 4 dresses. Luckily for us Barbie is very thin, so if you use an adult sock she can fit into it twice. Sometimes real thinness can be useful it seems. So you take each sock and cut it midway vertically. (from bottom to the top, not from left to right)
Step 4: Fold it with the wrong side out, so you have the 2 long-sides of the sock against each other, with the right side on the inside. OK - here is where I might loose some readers, but do not despair. If you sew it as it is - it is also fine because Barbie dolls and little children do not really care if you show the inside or the outside or sunny-side, as long as they have an outfit. Now either by sewing machine or if you do not have a license to drive one, by hand, sew this looooong back seam close. DO NOT CLOSE THE SHORT BITS, THEY ARE FOR FEET AND BOOBS. I use any colour thread/cotton, as socks are such forgiving creatures, the back-seam hides everything when you turn it the right side out.
Step 5: You now have a tube. Then you turn it inside out and now you have a dress!! OK - a tube-dress. But it is very magical, as you can use it just as it is - depending on your level of talent or level of patience. Or you can go to the next level. Just continue to steps 6-10.
If you are exhausted after all this activity, then dress the doll and call it a day. Feet go in first (believe me, anatomically this is the best way to do it), and what was once the top of the sock (that bit that dug into your fat, puffy ankle and left dents in your legs) now becomes the top of the dress.
Step 6: Now is the fun part, because you get to dig through drawers, old tins, boxes of forgotten treasure and other secret stash to find little bits to make pretty (maybe it is because I am in marketing but I do like to make things pretty) Do not fret about this step, I promise you once you have all the bits and bobs on it will look pretty, pretty, pretty.
Step 7: My mom taught me never to sew or fix something while I am wearing it, as she believed you are sewing poverty to you if you do it that way. But remember, we are making these gifts because we ARE already in poverty, otherwise you can just go to the shops and spend R200 to buy an outfit made in China. So for this step, you sew while the dollie is wearing the dress. The purpose of the step is to prevent her boobs from popping out the top of the dress. Due to her ample bustline, as well as her smooth, wrinkle-free plastic skin, the socks have a real struggle staying up. So add some shoulder straps. It is easy to work with the dress on the doll, as she does not really have feelings and you can prick her with the needle - no complaints or blood.
Step 8: Just keep on moving those annoying little thin arms out of the way as you go, they get in the way of everything. I have not reached a stage of frustration where I remove them completely, but sure they can be popped right back if that tragedy strikes. Now you pretend you are a "Design Genius" and go wild. It depends on what you have at hand and how much wine you have had to drink. Below is an example of a sober design, so not too over the top. Again - sew anything to the bosom line while she is wearing the dress, otherwise you will loose the elasticity needed to cover those famous, nippleless breasts. WARNING - IF YOU SEW SOMETHING AROUND HER INCREDIBLE WAIST - IT WILL NOT GO OVER HER SLIGHTY LARGER HIPS. That is why I put the red band around her hips, sewn to the dress. The other option would have been to make a separate belt if I wanted to accentuate her waspy figure.
Step 9: You can now remove the dress and put on other decorations if you wish. Since she is going to lunch with her friends, I did not do too much as her friends can be very jealous.
Step 10: Congratulate yourself, wrap it up and give it to someone. Sit back and bask in the joy and adoration, or alternatively just stare at it and think how amazing you and socks are. In my book she is not ready to go out, as she has nothing in her hair, nothing on her feet, no jewelry and no handbag. But that is all for the next tutorial.
Sock Personal Story:
Beware - this is another sad story - but not very sad, just a little sad. Some socks get eaten. It is a fact of life and as my husband always says - "that is nature". And the interesting thing is that it does not matter of you are a vegetarian, vegan, fruitarian, sockarian, you could be guilty of eating socks.
And we like to go for their soft spot, which is not the belly, but the heel of the sock. Some people are blessed with natural smooth, beautiful heels. Others are blessed with lots of money so they can pay someone to give them smooth, natural heels. In some circles people care about fish and give their cracked, flaky heels to fish to eat with the resulting smooth heel. There are also people who are quite normal so they look after themselves and work hard on making their heels soft and smooth themselves. We all know this involves some elbow grease, tools of torture such as scrapers, graters, blades, lots of creams and potions, magic socks containing tubs of Vaseline, and then a nice place to get rid of all that dead skin you salvaged from your heels.
But then we get to the rest of the people - them who do not care about their heels. These are the sock-eaters and can be identified by large peepholes in their socks - visible above the rim of their shoes. They will try and hide it with long pants, long skirts, only wear boots or try and fold the sock with a little double layer under the sole of the foot so the hole does not creep up for air.
My lovely child is one of these people. His heels are particularly vicious as they also eat shoes, but the block is about socks so I will limit my lament to socks only.
I discovered this rare condition on his heels when I examined them a bit closer one cold, wintery, Highveld day. And behold - the mystery of how a heel eats a sock was revealed in all its gruesome detail. Hope you can sleep after this, and if you are the parent to a child with the same condition - let's start a support group.
Sock fact: Maybe not a real fact, but then Dr. Seuss was all about non-facts anyway. It is suggested and severely debated that he wrote the below tong-twister. It is often used by actors to loosen their lips, tongues, false teeth and other oral apparatus needed for the stage.
Give me the gift of a grip-top sock,
A clip drape shipshape tip top sock.
Not your spinslick slapstick slipshod stock,
But a plastic, elastic grip-top sock.
None of your fantastic slack swap slop
From a slap dash flash cash haberdash shop.
Not a knick knack knitlock knockneed knickerbocker sock
With a mock-shot blob-mottled trick-ticker top clock.
Not a supersheet seersucker ruck sack sock,
Not a spot-speckled frog-freckled cheap sheik's sock
Off a hodge-podge moss-blotched scotch-botched block.
Nothing slipshod drip drop flip flop or glip glop
Tip me to a tip top grip top sock.
Sock Creation: NOTHING TO REPORT!!!! But will try to make progress this week on knitting a sock. I am scared this baby I am creating will not have a twin, so he/she will end up as a lonely sock right from the beginning, instead of only losing its partner later in life.
Sock Challenge: You know what is coming don't you? If you have found a lonely or suicidal sock - you now are challenged to turn it into a dollie-dress. Either following the above tutorial, or ignoring it and following your own mind.
I have not received any sock-donation yet - so sure you are all hanging onto those poor socks because you intend to recycle them yourself. Now is your chance.
May the socks be with you this week
Lovies
Lizette
